Saturday, March 24, 2012

I Spy a DOUCHEBAG

It has been quiet some time before I wrote anything on here. I've been dealing with a lot of personal crap to sort through and struggling to deal with. But out of all that personal stuff, I think I have finally figured out the golden rules of identifying you're about to date a douchebag:


If they are a self proclaimed nice guy-RUN SCREAMING! 
The reason I say this is because no guy that is truly a nice guy will ever have to verbally say it convince you. His actions speaks louder than words. I'm guilty for falling for this lovely little line "I'm a nice guy so girls walk all over me that's why I'm single"  No the reason you are single is because you are a douchebag and you work this line on gullible girls like myself. We believe "OMG finally a nice guy, one that won't hulk smash our hearts YAY!" But little do we know you have just infiltrated our brains and spreading like a virus waiting for the kill.
If they never initiate a conversation-DELETE THEIR NUMBER NOW!
I know this is hard as a girl to do because what we crave is for someone to show us that it just might be possible to be loved and cared about. We want that happily ever after even if its the most stone hard anti feelings girl in the world- deep down she wants the house the kids and the pitbull. But if some douchebag is feeding you lines and chatting it all up and makes you feel all special before and after the date, then slowly drops away. Guess what!? He's moved on to some other girl that he can butter up and try to get what he wants out of her. Don't sit there staring at your phone, trying to make it ring or beep with a text message. It isn't going to happen. Sure you can try to strike up a conversation with him but the most you are going to get is some 2 to 3 word sentences that should scream at you "That should shut her up" The only reason he is still responding is because he is keeping that door open just in case....
If there is any hint of an ex baggage say the following- WE CAN BE FRIENDS
If he is talking about his ex or seems hung up on his ex, don't be thinking "Oh I can help him get over him and like me better than her" WRONG. This is a plan for disaster. The most you can do is be his friend. If he doesn't understand that, then it's his lost. There is no sense in dating someone while they are thinking of someone else. If you truly want to be hurt and possibly left for the ex-feel free. But my suggestion if you are into this masochistic behavior, you might as well do what EVE6 says and put your heart in a blender and watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion....rendezvous he's through with you!


If he is vain-YES THIS SONG IS ABOUT YOU.
It has taken me a very very very very long time to come to terms with drop dead handsome men with chiseled features and washboard abs and arms of steal are no good to me. This is an unfortunate circumstance because let's face it, these men know they look amazing. However, in order to be this man, it means they have to be very into health and or just vain. If it is the vain aspect, they love themselves so much that there is no way they will ever be able to care about you because the love of their life is their own reflection and they will never break up. So ladies, just window shop these men and look for the guys that TREAT you right and not the ones that look like a fabulous accessory on your arms.